paris

kng0853


Just Another Nobody

Blah Blah Blah


(no subject)
paris
kng0853
dead tired.
exhausted.

cant get over this sickening feeling.
that im making a mistake. that brett and i should be living together. but im holding strong. theres no turning back now. move in is in three days.

hooo fucking rah.

works starting to drain me. heather got fired. i mean i get it. she deserved it. she was lazy and just kinda sucked at her job. but still. she was nice. i guess that is par for the course. HA. SO FUNNY. ugh.

all this packing is making me insane. its gorgeous outside and im inside because im sick of being out there bc i work outside.

my mom hasnt called me or emailed me lately. maybe she is giving up. i might be planning a trip home so i can golf with my grandma. itd be tons of fun! i wish i could help her win! thatd make her proud!

(no subject)
paris
kng0853
Well, I'm miserable.
I miss Brett every second of the day. Everytime my phone rings, I hope it's him. If I hear a car pull up, I wait to see if I hear his horn. At work, I immediately check for his car and then hope that with each time I pass someone, that its him.

I'm crazy. I'm manic.
I write him text messages and then delete them. I stare at photographs and try to recreate the situation in my mind. I spend every second wanting to just hear his voice.

I know it's good. I know he has to either get it or that I need to get it, but this is brutal. I spend most of my time in tears.

I just wish I knew he was hurting. I wish I knew he missed me. I wish I knew he was going crazy. Instead all I know is nothing. I know fucking nothing bc I won't even make eye contact w him.

Meanwhile I have to figure out my living sitaution and all I can think about is how I hate living in our apartment all alone. But part of me is holding onto the memories here. Part of me is holding on for dear life, bc I'm so in love with Brett. And at the end of the day, when I'm laying in bed, that's all that matters.

(no subject)
paris
kng0853
 i'm tired.

i've been trying to get past this miscarriage. i've been trying to just move on, but it hasn't been easy.
i feel like it's just so unfair. like my choice has been taken from me.

ugh. lately i just haven't been in a good place...

(no subject)
paris
kng0853
What to do? Can't sleep lately, ugh, I'm so tired of being alone.

(no subject)
paris
kng0853
hes  moved on.

(no subject)
paris
kng0853
ever ytime i start to believe again. start to have that hope again. he takes it away.

and every single time, i cry. i cry like he has never hurt me before, which is bullshit, because this has been going on for so long.

hes pissed about the kurt thing. i get it. i do. but you know what i was pissed about?

i was pissed that i moved to arizona with him. that he moved out on me. broke up with me. and then completely abandoned me.

im in such a shitty mood today. seriously.
if i see ashley im gonna punch her in the face. i hate her, bc this is all her fault. she opened her big fucking mouth and now my relationship with brett is gone. i know for some of you thats good, but honestly, i feel like a heartbroken mess. i just cry and cry and cry...

after we patched things up when i got back from georgia, things were great. they were better than great. he was the old brett. the one that wanted to spend every moment with me, but still gave me my space. the brett that told me all the time that he loved me. that told me i am beautiful when i least expected it...


this just really sucks. maybe it was his plan all along. his revenge. [as if misty wasn't enough]. 

i dunno. i have to get ready for work. i think im going to get shit faced tonite. oh yeah.

(no subject)
paris
kng0853
 im so tired. all the time.

i have these really weird dreams. all about brett.

ugh.

(no subject)
paris
kng0853
i always knew i hated roller coasters.

up and down and up and down and up and down.
im naucious like constantly. its terrible. 

ive been hiking like crazy tho and im finishing up the meat that i have in my fridge and freezer and then im throwing myself into the skinny bitch diet. goodbye meat. i might allow myself poultry once a week. and i know im not leaving dairy. im a midwest girl, i will eat cheese until the day i die.

the job promo is going good. im training a new girl tomorrow which is great because i get $25 extra in my paycheck...suhweet! they all suck tho. for various reasons. either theyre snobby or stupid or overly optimistic...its just irritating. 

im going to vegas in may. for the 7th---9th...its for my friend tracy's birthday. sounds good to me. free room and free drinks. yay!

okay well im gonna eat some fruit and change to go for  a three hour hike. dont be jealous! later gators.

(no subject)
paris
kng0853
 well two and a half days of not eating, i finally had a hot dog.

by the time i got home, i was ready to throw it up.

i have no appetite. no happyness. no nothing.

you know how many goddamn misty's there are on myspace in scottsdale alone? thirty nine fucking pages of them. 
vomit.

cigarette. my little pony. trashy slut.

i just wish someone would put me out of my misery. i shouldve known. i did know.
god. what the fuck. what the fuck am i going to do with myself?

(no subject)
paris
kng0853
well. i called it.

he told me he loved me. drunk as a skunk.
to my voicemail.

i no longer care to speak to him.

im exhausted. havent had a meal in two days now. living on water and gatorade is easier than i thought. minus the fact that i have ZERO energy. well im trying to clean up. so i just thought id update that i was right.

yay. not.

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